Beyond the borderline

To all the guys out there

2012-02-13T17:20:00.002+08:00

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.
Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.
She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.
Buy her another cup of coffee.
Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.
It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.
She has to give it a shot somehow.
Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.
Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.
Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.
If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.
You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.
You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.
Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.
Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

- Rosemarie Urquico

Shut it all out

2012-02-12T23:24:00.001+08:00

I've been staring at this word document for hours already and I haven't typed a single word. It's been days since I've written anything even in my journal and it's not that ideas aren't coming to me. It's more like I've been shutting them all out. Every time I can think of something to write, I immediately squash that and convince myself that I cannot pull it off.

I've been shutting out the only safe outlet I have for days. I've been shutting out life for days.

Bring me back

2012-02-12T23:19:00.001+08:00

Ever since February rolled in, I've spent my days sleeping and watching movies. I stopped myself from writing, I didn't dared to dance and avoided swimming; I stopped myself from doing things I love because I think that if I'd enjoy myself then days would swiftly pass by and then I'll wake up realising it's already the 29th. I've been dreading that day.

Everyday feels dead. I don't feel anything at all. It seems like I'm a mummy without any purpose at all. I have lost interest in talking to people I usually talk to. I also avoided going out even with friends and purposely screw up my sleeping schedule to sleep during those times I'm supposed to be out with them. Generally, I've been screwing myself big time.

They might sound useless and very unhelpful but all I could think is it's all because I don't want to go back to that place. I'd rather choose being stuck here at home, with my mother, skipping school and rot in my bedroom than spending 4-5 years with people I barely know. As stupid as it sounds but I'm willing to give up and screw my chance in getting the degree I've dreamed of.

I don't know myself anymore. I've never been this much of a quitter but right now all I think is quitting. Every waking moment is spent on how I'm gonna screw up my life one more day till it's done. Every day seems like a waiting day for my own demise. Seriously. I'm ready to give up with my weight, my education, my life; everything.

And I know I'm not okay. This time, I'm admitting it. I am not okay.

Tick tock

2012-02-01T22:52:00.002+08:00

I just realised that today is February 1st and that gives me 28 days before I go back to a place I wouldn't mind not going to for the rest of my life.

Lately I've been thinking about not going back there and that would mean giving up something I want and they would say I'm a quitter. I want to prove them wrong, I swear I want to but honestly I just want to pack my stuff, jump into the next flight and run away though I know that it's not possible. Very impossible. I wanna start a clean slate in a different environment where my father doesn't know about.

2012-02-01T22:41:00.001+08:00

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I think I'm saved.. for now

2012-01-20T23:33:00.001+08:00

I never got the courage to talk to mum about what I'm going through. Sure, she knows I'm bipolar but I haven't opened that topic to her, not until last Tuesday. I was just first telling her about the novel Thirteen Reasons Why then all of a sudden, I was surprised we were talking about myself.

What pains me is that she thinks that I became like this because of her and her separation with my father. She thinks that I'm deeply affected with it though I haven't actually realised it. Well, no. She has nothing to do with it. My father, maybe but she has no fault at this and it hurts when I see her blaming herself for this. I never wanted this, yes but she didn't gave it to me too.

"I know you're selfish but every time you want to end it, think of me. Please, just think of me."

Yes, I admit I am definitely and undeniably selfish. Most of the time, I don't think of others but whenever this thought comes to me, I think about her. I do, even before she said it. She's the only reason I kept holding on because she'd be alone without me. No one would look after her if I'm gone and I also can't let others take care of her because she's supposed to be taken care by me and me alone. Yes, I'm selfish. I am. But holding on seems to require a lot of effort. I'm just glad we had that talk and I had it out. I know she'd be very cautious with me and very protective but at least I feel the love I've been searching for years already. Something present yet I cannot feel.

I just want people to know that even though I keep brushing off others if not everyone whenever I feel shitty, it doesn't mean that I'm being a bitch. I totally appreciate every "What happened?", "Are you okay?" and "You can always talk to me." But that's it- I don't want to talk to anyone, I just want to feel that someone gives two shites about what I feel and people do worry even their not my mum. THANK YOU. For now, I think I'm saved.

R: For One More Day

2012-01-20T23:17:00.002+08:00

"But behind all your stories is always your mother's story, because hers is where yours begin."

Did you ever wished you could make up for the times you took a person for granted? This is a story of how a man had his life ruined by a desire to please his father and how he stood up after he fell from his downfall.

Chick and his relationship with his mother was not smooth but when he was given a day to be with her again, he understood things and appreciated everything she did for her. She made him realised his mistakes and encouraged him to pick himself up and start to rebuild his broken life.

I know this book was meant to make readers realise that even though you fucked up life, you can always learn from your mistakes and pick yourself up but it gave me another insight. It made me realise how much I love my mother and how much I needed her to know that I do. In some ways, I can see myself in him; someone who neglects others, and someone who easily gives up but like him my mother is always there to encourage me to go on.

This book showed me the importance of not giving up and of course the importance of every mother. This made me think of many ways of how can I show it to her and I'm sure you'd think of some too. I hope you do.

R: Suicide Notes

2012-01-20T23:05:00.001+08:00

I admit, I read this book because of my obsession with suicide notes and I expected this book to be sad or depression but actually it's not.

Jeff, a 15-year-old kid was confined in a Psychiatric Ward because he tried to killed himself. The reason? He just felt like doing it.. until he finally realised why he slash his wrists on New Year's Eve.

I love the way Ford wrote Jeff in a very witty and sarcastic manner. You'll definitely find yourself laughing whilst reading lines by Jeff and his description on some things in the ward.

Somehow, it's also self awakening because there are things about ourselves that we do not know until one day it will hit us like a high speed bus on the highway. Jeff doesn't have any reason at first- or that was what he believed in until he tried to recall what happened that night and the reason why slashing his wrists seems to be a good idea at that time.

I wish he and Allie, his best friend talked though. I really want to know what happened to their friendship after he was released from the 45-day program.

Self-discovery, self-awakening, acceptance.

R: Thirteen Reasons Why

2012-01-16T23:35:00.000+08:00

I believe every action someone does would create a great effect on one person no matter how small it is or if it was just a joke or something serious. This novel proved me that.

I was drawn to read this because of the subject it talked about: suicide. I expected it to make me cry in the beginning but it didn't. It actually made me curious about this girl, Hannah and what led her to this. Don't worry, it would surely make you cry but not after you comprehend and let everything sink in. Then you'll realise how careful you should be with your actions because you'll never know what effects will it have to to other people.

I believe suicide is an unanswered call for help and in this novel, what the others did to Hannah is not that enough for her to take her life but it was enough for her to feel useless, worthless and unwanted; even she can't accept herself. I wish people who did those things to her thought about the effect, even if it's just a small amount of anger or pain. And I wish Mr. Foster and Clay insisted to help her, and didn't wait for her to actually say, "Hey, I need help cos I'm thinking about killing myself."

This novel scared me. Not that I'm scared of dying, no. It scared me about my own actions and its effect to other people. And it scares me because it slapped me the truth of what I can do to myself. She didn't even have a psychological disorder, and she was able to take her life. What about me? And what happens after I die? Should I also leave something, a CD or letter perhaps explaining to everyone? What will happen next?

This novel awakens every person's sensitivity towards others and maybe opens their eyes for them to look out for others. I hope they do. I really hope they do.

2012-01-09T15:10:00.002+08:00

If I die, would you ever forget me? If you won't what would you remember about me?

2012-01-09T15:08:00.000+08:00

There are words better left unsaid. There are things better left unknown cos they can either make or break you and sometimes the risk knowing it isn't worth it.

Have you?

2012-01-07T03:09:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt like everything you've been through is like a plot against you? Have you ever felt like everyone's working against you behind your back? Have you ever felt like everyone's just waiting for you to royally screw up for them to have their final laugh? Have you ever felt like your failure is their amusement?

Have you ever felt this alone?

Last Post for 2011

2011-12-31T23:11:00.002+08:00

I can't believe the New Year's celebration turned out to be the exact opposite of what I expected and what I grew up with. Disappointed, and undeniably hurt because this is the only time of the year when everyone in our family (my mum's side) get together. I honestly feel like sleeping till tomorrow without welcoming 2012.

Why is this happening? I've been feeling shite the whole week and now this? Can't they just compromise for a while and let me be happy even just now? Why?

2011-12-30T14:40:00.000+08:00

I don't know what time I stopped thinking and fell asleep last night (it wasn't night really, know what I mean?) but when I woke up, I still feel the same shite I felt. It usually goes away after hours of wallowing but looks like it's out for a hunt and I'm it's fucking prey.

Can you feel the satisfaction of swearing in every fucking sentence? It's like putting emphasis in every goddamn word to work it's own fucking way.

Random. I really don't know whom should I talk to right now and unfortunately, this fucking blog is all I have.

I wish I was fucking normal, just like everyone else. Fuck you if you think that I'm normal and just putting all these drama to get some goddamn attention cos you don't know what I'm battling inside of me. I fucking know that there are people who are going through a lot too, but at least they have a fucking problem which is not their own self. Try having a battle with your goddamn self.

I should really shut my mouth and avoid pulling people into my own misery. They really don't deserve all of this shite I'm giving them.

To everyone, a heartfelt sorry.

Straight and Fast

2011-12-30T01:06:00.002+08:00

The inevitable pain is here again, eating me from the inside. Not that it's a surprise, but is it selfish to ask a whole week without this shite? Being in this roller coaster ride for almost 4 years is sickening, I honestly want an escape but how? How do you get out from this labyrinth of suffering? Is it Alaska's (Looking For Alaska), straight and fast?

I have been fighting against this for months but right now, I feel like cutting again. I wanna feel physical pain with the hopes of drowning what I feel inside with what I'd feel in my skin but again, I'm thinking about my mother who was stressed and went through a lot with me when she knew I used to cut myself. I just don't want her to go through it again. I don't want to hurt her anymore.

But I swear- oh goddammit! I am totally lost and I don't know what to do. Yes, yes. Judge me for all I care; call me attention seeker or whatever. I don't have the time to deal with judgmental people who doesn't even have a fucking clue what rage I'm feeling inside. I just need to let this out and unfortunately, crying is not an option.

2011-12-30T00:53:00.002+08:00

I want to feel again..

I wanna be remembered..

2011-12-30T00:12:00.001+08:00

After reading Looking For Alaska a few days ago, I realised one thing-- I wanna be remembered.

I know that I haven't been living a good life in my 18 years of existence and I'm pretty sure that people would easily forget about me. But after reading some stories about death, and not just deaths but sudden ones, I suddenly feel like proving myself to people. I don't know, maybe to mark my existence.

I want people to remember me not just because I'm a fucked up kid; a girl with vices; maybe even a bitch to some. I want people to remember me because somehow along the crooked path, I was able to inspire other people. I don't know how but I honestly want to inspire others. I want to be remembered as the girl who was strong yet fragile; the girl who wouldn't give a fuck to others except her mum; the girl who would stand up for her friends even against a hundred mutts; the girl who loved books more than anything in the world; the girl who loves to write yet can't write stories with happy endings. I want to be remembered in a positive way. Yes, I'd love that.

R: Looking For Alaska

2011-12-30T00:04:00.003+08:00

"I go to seek a Great Perhaps."

I'm quite sure everyone wish to seek for it; our greatest what if. Sure, it will really change your life, but what if you'd go through a labyrinth of suffering whilst seeking?

This book was recommended to me just because I like- no, I loved The Perks of Being a Wallflower and I expected them to be the same. At some point, yes it is quite the same. Both of them talks about teenage lives, not some book life but the actual one which I believe is really happening to other teens. But honestly, this one has more depth compared to Perks.

It talks about Miles, or Pudge and how he adjusted in Culver Creek, a boarding school where he transferred because he's looking for his Great Perhaps. There he met Chip, known as the Colonel, Takumi, Lara and Alaska, the girl who got her heart. With the help of his friends, he understood and learned how to live in Culver Creek, abiding and breaking the rules.

I can say that I was sort of devastated with what happened to Alaska, and yes if I was Miles, I'd be damned too. The book would certainly pull some of your heartstrings and play with your emotions. Though some scenes in the book talks about sex, alcohol and death, those are certainly not an idle topic with everyone. This book is one of those I'd pick up and read again, not just twice but maybe a few more times.

Straight and fast..

R: The Hunger Games Trilogy

2011-12-27T00:36:00.000+08:00

It was a year ago since my friend convinced me to read this trilogy but I never did until last week-- I'm glad I did.

The mental images provided by every line and every word written is breathtaking. And for me it's not just a typical fictional book everyone's into. It talks about what happened years before, when colonization was happening to other countries. Being robbed by their own rights just like what the scenario the book gave me is somehow true. The amount of angst in the first book kept me going and every bit of it is truly remarkable.

Surprisingly, this is the first time I didn't support the love between best friends, something Katniss and Gale had. I've been supporting and quite a sucker for stories where best friends would eventually fall for each other and end up together in the end but this one is different. It was Peeta and his selfless acts of love that moved me. Everything he did for Katniss, every sacrifice was heartwarming even though he was quite sure himself that she won't love him back. Unconditional love.

What sort of disappointed me is the last book. I feel like the ending was rushed and the epilogue is too short for my liking. I didn't like the way Finnick's death wasn't given emphasis. I was quite shocked when they included Finnick and Annie's child on the book they made in the later part of Mockingjay. I wish they included Annie's reaction to his death cos I'm pretty sure she was terribly heartbroken when her husband died. I also didn't liked the part where Katniss concluded that Gale met another girl just like that, without closure between the two of them. I wish they talked and Katniss explained her feelings. I also wish the epilogue covered almost everything after how many years, not just Katniss' and Peeta's family life. I wish they also included others and how their lives changed after the change in government happened.

But despite the rushed ending and short epilogue, I still recommend this book for everyone to read especially that there's a movie adaptation. I hope people will read this first before watching the movie.

But I'm still not convinced with Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss. I still have Kaya Scodelario in my mind whilst reading the book. Too bad she wasn't picked to play the role, when she was one of the 30 options. I can see the fierceness and spunk Katniss have in her, especially when she can convince pretty much everyone with her role because of her eyes.

Insanity > Bipolar Depression

2011-12-26T02:10:00.002+08:00

The pain you're going through every bipolar episode is excruciatingly painful. Actually, painful is an understatement. Inevitably, it starts inside, with your feelings, playing with your emotions and sometim- most of the times, without any basis. Sometimes, it's pain. Sometimes it's indescribable anger. Sometimes extreme happiness which is easily replaced with pain; definitely back to square one. It's like there's something that's slowly eating your heart, and that maybe at one moment it would suddenly stop beating. Unfortunately, these torturous episodes seems normal to me.

Honestly, during these times, I'd rather feel physical pain than emotional one. Sometimes it's one of the things that make me snap out of my trance whenever I go through these. It seems like it's the only thing that keeps me alive, or sane.

But personally, I'd rather suffer insanity than to go through all of these. There might be a chance that I would be trapped in a happy world I created. I might not know what happens inside those insane people I've seen but whenever I see them enjoying their own personal world, I can't help but feel a surge of jealousy; at least they had their escape.

Angsty

2011-12-24T01:05:00.000+08:00

The amount of angst that's running through my veins is enough for me to write a series of short fics with sad, heart-breaking and tragic endings. Believe me, I honestly want to be able to other stories but every time a plot enters my mind, it ends up as a story about love with a sad ending. I really, really, really want to write other stories. Others that don't revolve around love cos I honestly disgust myself with the plots that's coming in and out of me. Or maybe write a decent happy ending, the least but alas, it never happened.

Maybe it's because of what I've been through. Yes, yes- I know there are other people that's been through worse compared to me but you can't blame me for feeling like an utterly stupid and gullible person after everything. Maybe the stories about love came from what I used to believe and what I used to dream of- a happy ending of my own, like in one of the fairy tales I grew up with except that I am definitely not a princess nor a damsel in distress. And the angst- maybe it's where my experiences comes in. With the broken family I have; with the story of how my mum and my father fell in love and how their marriage turned out to be a failure; with the boys that came in and out of my life only to break my heart. And with these experiences, some say that I'm strong. I inwardly snort whenever I hear those fucked up lines they'd say. If ever you've read my stories or whatever I've written, then you'll know how dysfunctional my life is and how cracked I am.

But hey, I don't need saving because again, I am no damsel in distress. Just some teenage girl with a fucked up life but believe me, I can manage.

R: Safe and Sound (The Hunger Games Soundtrack)

2011-12-24T00:18:00.002+08:00

I am not a Taylor Swift fan but, goddammit- I got chills whilst listening to this song especially the chorus part. The song seems perfect for what the tribute's are feeling, especially District 12's, towards their family, their loved ones. The words used in the song are simply marvelous and heart wrenching. Like a piece of you that wants to protect someone you love at all cost is activated.

I admit, I haven't even finished the first book yet but the amount of angst I've read so far is enough to keep me going, plus this song.

But in all honestly, my heart goes out with this song with reasons I do not know, but surely not because of the story of The Hunger Games.

2011-12-21T01:50:00.002+08:00

As I read my previous blogs, I realised I never really did grow. Or if I did, it wasn't enough. I'm still the messy teenage girl everyone expected to be always happy when in fact she is the exact opposite deep inside.

I regret nothing though. I know I can be as tough as a cookie in my own way.

Misery Spotlight

2011-12-21T00:26:00.004+08:00

I

There's this girl who travels on trail,
Who always dream of her own happy fairytale.
Out to see what's to unravel beforehand,
Or else, get stuck! and sleep forever in dreamland.

II

On a blank glass window there she stares,
With weary eyes but with a heart that cares.
When will love find her?- a question left hanging,
and cast all her fears with perfect timing..

III
She's witty, flip, and is prone to trouble
Whenever friends need herm she's there on the double
Willing to relive one's shallow-beating heart,
While her's a fragile shattered apart.

IV

While her dad's gone all the way,
Good thing she has her mom who's willing to stay.
When everything feels like broken and jaded,
Her mom's to the rescue to catch those smiles w/c faded.

V

This girl's extraordinary
Who manages to smile when everything's melancholy
Waiting for someone to save her out of blue,
This girl's name is KEiLLE; i tell you. :)

ooo

My good friend, Iris gave this to me three years ago as a Christmas gift and I still read this whenever I feel down.

R: The Perks of Being a Wallflower

2011-12-20T02:18:00.001+08:00

"But because things change. And friends leave. And life doesn't stop for anybody."

Everyone experiences a lot of things whilst growing up. Some participate and takes part in almost everything life throws to them, whilst some chooses to stay on the sideline and observe-- become a wallflower.

The book is a compilation of Charlie's letter to an anonymous friend whom he chooses to tell what happens to his life because he believed that that person would understand him. Throughout the book, you would know how he copes up with the changes in his environment and with his peers. He slowly learns how to wade through the realities of life with the help of his friends and family.

I honestly read this book because of other people's reaction to this and because it will have a movie adaptation next year where Sam will be played by Emma and Charlie by Logan. But after I've read this book, it seems like I don't care about the movie at all. Actually I'm quite afraid they'd disappoint me and ruin the whole meaning of this beautiful book. Yes, it is definitely beautiful and very heart-warming/wrenching. It took me to another phase of emotional roller coaster whilst reading and I regret nothing. It made me understand certain things about life itself. Maybe I got attached to it because of what Charlie's going through (not that it literally happened to me though, only the emotional ride he's going through) or maybe it's just because of the story. I really don't know but I really want to share this book to everyone I know for them to understand and see the beauty of Charlie's story. I practically wanna give everyone a copy of this. Those who aren't into reading that much don't have to worry because it's not your typical deep novels with high-end words. It's simple and light and very understandable though some would really make you stop for a while and think what was it.

This has officially became one of my favourite books and I am reading it for the 3rd time now. I also swore to myself that I will read this every time I ride on a plane. Yes, every time.

Back

2011-12-14T21:42:00.002+08:00

I'm quite obliged to write a blog about my almost 2 months stay with my father's sister but I think I'll pass on that. It might fill my blog with profanities and too much negativity. If it's not yet filled already.

When I came home yesterday, it feels like there's a lot of things I want to do, I don't know which one first. I'm quite lost. It feels like I would not have enough time to spend here with my family and friends.

So, I think I wanna do the first one on my list; post my story. And well, write more. I want to write more. I'm gonna go gather my thoughts for that.

There's no more 'happily ever after'

2011-10-15T05:41:00.005+08:00

We celebrated our 44th month as best friends yesterday, but as usual we weren't complete. I was a tad disappointed to those who weren't present because it would be the last time I'd see them before I go with my father. But nevertheless, it was fun. We shouted our hearts out whilst riding on the Sea Dragon which really beat the hell out of me. I was pretty surprised that I still had my voice after.

During dinner, we talked about our friend's latest heartbreak. No, she's not a girl but a girl at heart. Some might say that what he feels is wrong but who are we to judge when it comes to love? Even though we already know the story, thank you very much Facebook for giving us a sufficient means of communication whilst some of them are in Cebu and we're stuck here in Bacolod, I still asked him to tell the whole story from the very beginning. Everyone was listening and after he finished everyone started to giving their negative reactions not to our friend but to the other girl which he considered as a close friend in his university. A close friend that would betray him, what a pathetic excuse of a friend. I kept my reactions short and repetitive, trying to point out the gist where everything went wrong whilst others we're talking about other things about this girl.

In the middle of the talk, one of my friend asked him to tell us what he did or he felt after and then everyone related their own experience of heartbreak. Then it came down in comparing which is better between waiting and finding for one's love. I was quiet the whole time whilst eating my dinner with a stoic expression. It's not that I'm avoiding the topic but I know they would misinterpret my opinion on that topic. It's not that I'm still bitter, that would be absurd. But I'm rather jaded about it. I really don't believe in happy endings in real-life nowadays and I am trying to live in reality.

I understand people would still believe on finding their one great and true love along the way and they'd live happily ever after. I admit I still find stories about great love, preferably forbidden ones that chose to survive, appealing. It still tugs my heart, yes but it's not that I still believe that something beautiful like that would still happen. Maybe before, but definitely not now. Forgive my jaded post but I don't think I still believe in love love.

The Best Unplanned Night

2011-09-30T12:15:00.004+08:00

September 27, 2011

I can't even believe I'm an adult already! The start of the day was uneventful. I woke up, 3 in the morning with the rain pouring angrily on our roof. I was sleepy, and my eyes are the least cooperative but I still snatched my phone and checked my facebook. Of course, there were greetings. Who would miss the friend's birthday notification anyway?

Anyhow, I wasn't excited at all. Since I was a child, I always believed that I would at least feel that wave of energy or whatever, call that magic if you must, washing over me whenever I wake up on my birthday. Probably, it's just excitement for the days event but this year's different. I never felt that energy. I wasn't excited at all. I'm utterly anxious about being an adult and having no plans for a celebration didn't helped at all.

I'm used to house parties. Previous teen birthdays were spent drinking at home till the wake of dawn, but I want this year to be different so I opted for a dinner with my family and some of my closest friends. I wasn't really looking forward to it. I didn't expect it to be anything special. I had loads of dinner and I assumed that this one would be similar to the previous one.. but it proved me wrong.

At 7PM, we arrived at Bar 21 Restaurant and waited for others to arrive. Simple dinner followed by chitchats among my friends. The restaurant was filled with our laughs and voices trying to spill the latest gossip about anyone everyone's familiar with, and I admit, I enjoyed a lot. I had this sessions of food trip and gossip sessions before but I don't know what made this one different. Maybe it's the occasion, maybe it's the place, or simply because everyone special to me was present at the same time. So whoever that said I can't celebrate my birthday soberly can suck it up, cos definitely I don't need alcohol to make me happy, I only need them..

The Wishlist

2011-09-17T04:28:00.007+08:00

Few more days and I'll be running off from childhood and enter into a new phase of my fucked up life. Fucked up but I do enjoy it, mind you.

For a tad amount of time, I've been battling with myself if I should make a wishlist, though I know I wouldn't get any of it but whatever. Doing one won't hurt right? So here it is.

Books
- Well, preferably the Harry Potter Chest Box Set cos believe it or not no matter how much of a Potterhead I am, I do not own any Harry Potter books. I've been reading it by borrowing from my friends or sometimes by downloading PDF files of the books. But I know it would cost a fortune cos I don't even know where to find one, Bookstores here aren't very helpful. But any book would do, it's a book so it's something.
Harry Potter Time-turner from Warner Bros. Store
- That shite cost, I don't know, a thousand perhaps and I am very much willing to buy one but due to the fuck that it doesn't ship to the Philippines makes it impossible. I don't know how, but I'd really love to have one.
Any Harry Potter related thing
- Mostly, memorabilia (authentic ones) were sold by Warner Bros. but since again, it doesn't ship here, it adds to the list of the impossibles. Too bad, eh? But really, anything Harry Potter related would be dear to me.
Slytherin-themed accessories/trinkets/things
- Since I am a Slytherin, I am very much eager to collect things related to my own house (Yes, I am sorted into Slytherin in Pottermore). I am also thinking about repainting my room with respect to Slytherin house color and probably put the Noble and Ancient House of Black family tree in one side but I know my Mum would probably kill me since I repainted this room just last year. So whether it's a Slytherin scarf or a Slytherin necktie, anything Slytherin, really.

I am not that kind of person who asks for techies for their birthday. I usually ask for things which are valuable to me so, as for now, these are the list of what's valuable to me. I hope I do get a thing or two from this list but if not, well.. better luck next year.

Fuck you. Just, fuck you

2011-09-06T00:33:00.001+08:00

"You probably didn't know this but after we split up, we became friends and I was happy cos the friendship remained after all, I thought it remained but he asked me what action would possibly hurt me the most, I told him that it would be when he would have someone new at this instant, that he'd move on that fast. And he said, he'd do that for him to get even. And he did."

I silently cursed the moment I heard her said that. Yes, of course I didn't know that until earlier when we were eating and talking about our typical topic - boys. Her statement left me in awe.

Of all things in a relationship, I consider fidelity as the most important, well yes, second to love of course. It's really a big deal to me when people would break their partner's trust and fuck up with someone else. It's a big deal, cos yes, romantic relationships are meant for two people only. Not one, or three but two. Yes, two.

I never imagined him to do that to her. He used to love her, or I don't know if love was already absent the time they split up because he had no time for her anymore but god! To get even?! Dafuq. He'd even go that low just to get even cos he felt tricked and she burst his fucking ego. To get even for fuck sake! To get even!

I used to respect him, though lesser than how I respected anyone else at least I respected him. I used to respect him until earlier. Of course, I am aware of all the stupidity and evil lurking in every man's brain but this was the lowest form of what I knew. Or maybe I have known it all. Now I don't know how to look at him. I don't know if I can face him without being obvious that I am full of anger for him. If only I can choose not to face his fucking face.

I want to cry, I want to shout because I feel bad about her. I saw pain in her eyes when she told me what happened, and I wanna give him a good slap for that. He has no right to do that to her. She loved him -past tense, she used to love him-. She did everything for him, she gave everything and this is what he did to her. How utterly awesome! Now I can shove it down his throat and give him a round of applause to inflate his ego. Now, I am not just indifferent to him but I clearly hate him, about to loathe him.

No one is allowed to hurt my Mom, not even you Dad, even if it happened years ago and for that my middle finger salutes you.

Keeping Distance

2011-08-23T15:50:00.003+08:00

My friends might hate me.

I always decline whenever they ask me to go out with them. No, it's not because I don't miss them. It's because I want to get used to this feeling of being away from them so that it won't be hard when it's time for me to leave. I know it's sounds selfish and stupid but I honestly believe it would help me.

I think it's time for me to learn how to live alone. I've been living my life with someone to accompany me all the time, my friends, my mother and know I'm about to leave everyone behind. Yes, I won't be alone cos I'll be at my aunt together with my dad but it's not the same. So I guess the best way to train myself is to stay away from them for a while.

I've worked on my schedule. I'll see my churchmates the Sunday before I leave (that would be Thursday) and I'll see and hang out with me friends on Wednesday or probably Tuesday. Then it would be the last time I'd see them before I go.

Of course I'd go home by Christmas since everyone from my mother's side would be gathering until April (I guess) and I also need to go home for my books but I won't be seeing my friends during that time or maybe I won't let them know I'm here. Just me and my family. Again is keeping distance.

"I'm making you forget about us."

2011-08-22T11:45:00.008+08:00

Yayy! Another Dramione related post.

Anyway, this one reminds me of another fanfiction. It started with lust then ended with love but since Draco has this unavoidable bloody mission as a sodding Death Eater, they both know or he knows he can't be with Hermione.

It's Silencio by AkashaTheKitty which is sorta long. And Protections by pseudopsycha. When you're done, tell me what you think. Comment below! :)

Draco//Hermione. All The Wrong Choices (by JoannaAlwaysAnd4eva)

2011-08-21T22:49:00.004+08:00

Now this one reminds me of the first fanfiction that made me cry. Yes, guys. I shed some tears reading Basketcase by attica. I don't know if you're a Dramione shipper but I really recommend you to read this, though this story is more of me cos I prefer sad endings to be honest.

If ever you've read it, or you're done reading it please do tell me what you think. Comment below! :)

Draco & Hermione - Monster (by niicoleelee)

2011-08-21T22:22:00.001+08:00

One of my favorite Dramione video. The song's just perfect for their story.

Pottermore taught me to wait

2011-08-18T08:50:00.003+08:00

It's been three days since the first batch of welcome emails for Pottermore were sent and I haven't got any. The longer I stay on my Twitter Pottermore account, the more I get jealous to those who are already in the site.

I've been waiting for this email since forever and I can't stop wondering if what system are they using to know who'll be included in the next batch. Obviously, it's not based on the day we've registered cos I know some people who registered on the first day but haven't got their mail yet. Some happened to register on the seventh day and they're already in. So yeah, whatever happened to first come, first serve? My brain's considering if they're using a alphabetical system, probably based on usernames, but nothing's been proven. But if that's the case, then damn it all to hell. Damn it all cos my username starts with P. The sodding 16th letter of the alphabet.

I've made another blog where I can fill it with my whole Pottermore experience (but of course, I'll post some things here too) and anything I'd experience there. Forgive me for hosting it on LJ, probably because they have communities and I've been joining some Harry Potter related communities. Believe me, I've had a hard time copping with the different environment of the blog. Tried to consider Wordpress too but I think it'll make it more complicated.

Anyway, the waiting continues and I don't have any idea when will the mail arrive. Hopefully soon, cos I'm dying to enter the Pottermore site and experience the magical experience first hand. Also anxious about the sorting, not Hufflepuff.

2011-08-10T01:09:00.004+08:00

I miss having a life! Dammit!
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN..

Cigarette puffs and water splash

2011-07-30T08:58:00.004+08:00

I've had enough of those comforting words whenever I have these episodes. I know there's something behind this but I'm not yet ready to know what it is. As far as I know, I have this disorder that makes my life a living hell. As what I keep on saying, most people are thinking that these are just anxiety attacks or something to do with my inferiority complex, but I know myself.

Crying makes me calm down, but I had enough of it. There are times when I feel like crying but I can't find my tears, probably my well is near its bottom. Swimming makes me feel good too. I don't know why but I can think clearly whenever I'm in the water. And of course, smoking. Hey, I'm not a chain-smoker. I use this as my last choice, last move whenever I'm cornered. It helps me breath, at least.

Today I chose the last two. I went out early to swim and had my time ruining my lungs for a while. Honestly, it felt great. I wonder how often I need to do these for me to calm down. Of course, I'm worried about my health but I'd rather risk it than losing my sanity. I wonder until when should do this. Is it possible to stop these episodes for me to also stop my habits? I wish smoking would be legal for me, coz believe it or not, it really helps.

Pain & Anger

2011-07-24T05:20:00.005+08:00

It's difficult to have no one to turn to. It's hard to flash a smile to everyone without feeling that pinch inside you. It's difficult to be me.

I bet everyone would think I'm transparent. I open up easily to others without hesitation. I really don't care what they'd think of me. I don't live to please them anyway. But what they don't see is that behind this cheerful, ill-tempered, fierce and strong me lies a soul who needs someone. Someone I could run into when I'm scared. Someone that could tell me that everything will be fine. Someone to assure me that I am not alone because despite the fact that I have gained friends along the way, I still feel so alone. I see them as someone who'd leave me eventually that's why I never learned to depend myself to someone. I need someone who'd let my guards down and let me accept that I can't be like this all the time, that sometimes I need to break down, I need to retreat & accept my defeat. I need someone that won't shelter my from pain but instead help me get over it. I need someone to believe in me.

I need someone to hug right now. Need, necessity, urgent need. I've been carrying this pain & anger for years already. I think it is on its limit & it's consuming me. I'm starting to hate myself again.

God knows how many times I tried to open up to my friends, expecting them to understand but all they could say is "kaya mo yan" again & again. Can't they understand that I can't? I'm helpless, soon to be lifeless. Do you think I can go on?

I hate you, Dad

2011-07-24T01:19:00.008+08:00

I've been asked a lot of questions about him & I don't know what to say. I don't know him. Yes, I grew up with him. I was in the first grade when he left for Manila. We had that communication before but it didn't bridged the gap between us. I grew up with him but I never spent enough quality time with him. I don't even miss him. How could I miss someone I barely know? That's mental.

One funny experience was when I was in 2nd year highschool. He went to our school to tell me that my Grandma's in the hospital. He waited for almost an hour, the whole lunch break for me while I was inside our room talking with my friends. I saw him, but I don't know him. Seriously. Funny but true, I didn't knew it was him until one of my elementary friends told me. I ended up crying. I called my Mom & told her that he came. She told me to talk to him & ask him why he came so I did but I just hugged him & cried. That was the first time I saw him after 7 years, when he left for Manila. But after that, nothing changed. He remained as the stranger I knew a long time ago.

We had a little communication when I was in 3rd year, but everything's the same. He was still the stranger I knew a long time ago. And then came my 4th year in highschool. It was graduation, he called & told him he came home to attend the ceremony but since our venue's friggin' small, each student was given two tickets for their parents and since I don't have my Dad, I gave it to my aunt & my Mom, of course. He called & I don't know what to say. I don't want to be bastos but I don't want any drama over the phone so I told him I already gave the ticket to Tita. He said he's supposed to surprise me, blabla & bla. I didn't knew he'd come, no one can blame me. I went through my elementary years & graduated without him. Of course, I can still do it in highschool.

But I didn't see this one coming. This friggin' problem that I had to come to him & ask for help. God knows how many times I asked Mom if she can do something about it without asking any help from him. I don't want to attach myself to that stranger.

I always say that I don't care about him, that he's just my biological father but never played the role of a father. I know, maybe because of what his family said.. I know he loves me but I can't feel it! I said I don't know have any feeling for him but know I'm taking it back. I hate him. I hate him for being so irresponsible. I hate him for leaving me. I hate him for calling me princess when I was four but eventually left me. I hate the fact that I didn't have the Dad I wanted. The father that would defend me from those bullies. The father that would hug him after every heartbreak saying that I'd still find my man. Maybe he's also the reason why I'm cynical, why I ended up being a pessimist & forgot to believe in love.

Reading the Eternal Love fanfiction made me feel envious. I envy Toff, Kath & Karl for having Francis as their Dad. Their Dad that would do anything for his family. I'd kill to have one like him.

To Mom:
I'm sorry Mom, you didn't have that happy ending. I'm sorry for being like him at times. I'm sorry for disappointing you. You're all that I've got so please be patient with me. I need you more than anyone else in this whole fucking world.

I am afraid

2011-07-13T01:22:00.003+08:00

It came back! It came back & it's consuming me right now at this moment. I am sick & tired of being afraid without any reason. Worst is, I don't know what am I afraid of or why am I afraid. It changes my mood instantly without any warning.

Whenever people ask if I am okay, I tend to say "yes" for them to avoid asking more questions. Escape the drama, quit explaining. I am too tired to formulate an explanation for them to understand because I can't even explain it to myself. It's making me dumb. Dumber than usual. But you know what, with every "yes" comes a thought wishing that if only there's one person who'd debate on my answer and tell me that I am not okay. I am not okay, and I need someone to crush that make believe that I am. I am also fooling myself with every "yes" and I wish that someone would make me admit that & would not let me explain. I wish that someone would just look straight into my eyes & knows what to do already.. hug me.

All I need every time this thing is on is one person to assure me that after this, everything will be fine. That I can still enjoy despite of being afraid. Someone who'd not ask me for an explanation why am I feeling this but still understand what I'm going through.

"Hindi ako santo, pero para sa'yo ako'y magbabago.."

2011-07-13T01:00:00.005+08:00

It's Andre's fault! Haha. Now I'm having a last song syndrome. But seriously, this song meant a lot to me. Una nga nakalimutan ko na to eh, but everytime I play this song it reminds me of what I said 2 years ago.

"Kapag nakita ko na ang lalakeng katulad ng sa kantang to, sya na talaga."

I never told that to anyone kasi para di maspoil ang moment pag nakita ko na sya, but guess what.. Yes, I haven't met him. Sa limang lalake na dumaan sa buhay ko, walang tumugma. The song talked about a guy who's willing to change for the girl. Sarap pakinggan yung kanta eh, yung meaning, yung mismong lyrics but in the real world, that guy does not exist. Kahit i-Google mo pa sya, kahit ipahanap mo pa sya, I don't think anyone can change & give up their ways for someone. I mean, no one can & no one will.. lalake pa!

I don't believe in finding this guy anymore, but if you're the one, please prove to me that I'm wrong. Please exist, for me..

Pessimist.

WHY ARE WE STILL FRIENDS XIII: Let's Party

2011-07-10T00:12:00.005+08:00

Masaya na ko sa ganito. At least, magkasama kami palagi ni Kate. I'm spending time with the one I love without losing her as a friend. Di ko nga lang masabi yung totoo at maparamdam ng buong buo pero okay na din yun.

I don't want to assume things but I must admit, masaya ako at sana di na to magbago. Okay na sa akin yung feeling na isa ako sa mga pinaka importanteng babae sa kanya, kahit feeling lang yun. Sana di siya magsawa.

--

Louie: Tol, sama ka sa amin this Friday. May event dun sa favorite bar mo.
John: Ha? Teka, I'm not sure. I'll text you na lang.
Nico: Ayan ka na naman. Wag mong sabihing pass ka na naman.
Louie: Is there a chic involved? Ha? Pakilala mo naman.
John: No, no one's involved. Alam nyo namang wala akong girlfriend ngayon diba.
Paul: Ehem, I'll take note of that.
Nico: Then what's wrong? Di ka naman dating ganyan ah.
Louie: Is this about Kate?
John: Paano naman napasok si Kate sa usapan?
(nagkatitigan sina Louie, Nico at Paul; tumawa)
Louie: You know what dude, you can bring Kate if you want. Kilala na naman sya ng buong barkada eh.
John: Fine. Pupunta ako pero I won't bring Kate, babae yun tol.
Nico: Kill joy nito. Malay mo naman she wants to come.
(magsasalita na sana si John when Nico interrupted him)
Nico: Okay na, shut up na. Pupunta ka na. End of discussion.

TGIF. Tama lang sigurong di ko na pinaalam kay Kate about tonight, baka makahalata. And for sure, pagsasabihan na naman ako nun tungkol sa pag-inom ko. I might end up feeling guilty tapos ang tropa naman ang magagalit sa di ko pag sipot.

Louie: At last! John, dumating ka rin.
Nico: What took you so long? Your girl?
John: Nagsisimula ka na naman ha. Tumigil ka, uupakan na talaga kita.
Paul: Kayong dalawa, tama na nga yan. We're here to party, com'on!

(naghahanap na sila ng table when they saw someone from their highschool)
Cherrie: Look who's here!
John: Nasa Pinas ka na pala? Di ka man lang nagpasabi ha.
Paul: Who's with you, Che?
Cherrie: The girls, of course! Teka, mukhang kulang ang imbamen ah.
Louie: Susunod daw yung iba, ewan ko lang kung susunod talaga. Haha! Saang table kayo?
Cherrie: Favorite spot! We're lucky we came a bit early, buti nauna kami ng konti sa inyo. But you guys can share with us.
Nico: Oh tara na! Yun hinihintay ko oh.
John: Ikaw talaga, ang bilis mo sa chics.

Hindi-nakanuod-ng-concert Depression

2011-07-09T23:33:00.003+08:00

If there's such thing as post-concert depression, well I'm experiencing the hindi-nakanuod-ng-concert depression.

I was at my Grandma's since Thursday so I didn't have any access to the internet except Twitter & Facebook on my phone. THURSDAY -- Mayday Parade had their concert at Meralco Theater. Andun dapat ako, nakaplano na lahat ng to last month when lo & behold, poof. I can't go to Manila agad-agad. I have to wait for October and since the concert's July, it's clear that I can't attend. I was sad that night. Being in your Grandma's house with no one to talk to sucks plus the fact that one of your favorite band's in the country for a concert and you're not there. Well some people tried to cheer me up so I kinda forgot about it for that night.

Saturday, I went home and checked my email & Facebook. My friend posted a link on my wall, a link to a video taken last Thursday. Nagdadalawang isip akong panuorin. Syempre, I know feelings would resurface but I gave in. When I heard their instruments played, and heard Derek's voice.. that instant, I started to cry. I was shouting & crying at the same time. Nanghihinayang ako. If only I convinced my aunt, if only I exerted much effort to convince her. They even played songs I memorized so while watching the video, I was singing & crying at the same time.

Yung feeling na nakipagbreak ka? Yung lugmok na lugmok? Yung depress? Tangina, eto yun eh.. ang hirap tumawa kahit merong nakakatawa. Ang hirap magpatawa na hindi trying hard ang dating. All I wanted to do is watch the videos & cry.

Oo na, over-acting na kung over-acting. I know a lot won't understand & I won't bother to explain it to you kasi wala ring point. Basta ang sakit lang.. sobra. Kasi alam mong malabong babalik sila dito. Kasi alam mong it might be your only chance but you blew it.

Ibalik ang KathBie!

2011-07-07T00:32:00.051+08:00

It's been a week since lumabas ang balitang papalitan si Albie Casiño sa kanyang mga upcoming projects (Growing Up - Daniel Padilla; Star Cinema Movie - Enrique Gil). There was no statement coming from the network kaya maraming nagsilabasang articles & speculations. Obviously, KathBie (Kathryn Bernardo & Albie Casiño) fans were devasted since this project was anticipated by everyone for almost a month already. Well, I can't blame people for saying things & using rude words to show their disappointment because this was plugged with Albie on its casts. Sino ba masisiyahan kapag excited ka na mapanuod ang isang palabas or movie then bigla mo na lang malalamang pinalitan ang isang cast na inaabangan mo.

Two days ago, me & my friend decided to ask people about their reaction/s sa pagkaudlot ng project/s ng KathBie on PEx (Pinoy Exchange), Facebook & Twitter and here they are..

From ABS-CBN Forum
(http://forums.abs-cbn.com/yaf_postst1304_Growing-Up-OT.aspx)
click photo to enlarge

From PEx (Pinoy Exchange)..
click photo to enlarge

From Facebook..
click photo to enlarge

From Twitter..

Tweet from @aahlurvepurpz

Tweet from @adet16

Tweet from @alyssapaola16

Tweet from @angellovesalbie

Tweet from @chechecreer

Tweet from @chill_its_andre

Tweet from @clownfish09

Tweet from @d2ian

Tweet from @djene17

Tweet from @gabriella0225

DM from @GoMiName_RaYe

Tweet from @iamchalocca

Tweet from @JonaMaePerante

Tweet from @joy06mj

Tweet from @jusgu

Tweet from @klaltheanicole

Tweet from maezen_marie

Tweet from @meisTHWIRLIE

Tweet from @nicnich7

Tweet from @pamelacanopin

Tweet from @purpleyellow_07

Tweet from @rrrhea

Tweet from @SamShine1702

Tweet from @thestar2027

DM from @TheXmasCarol

Tweet from @toringtj

Tweet from @tweetiicuu

---

My personal reaction? I am a KathBie fan, so therefore I am affected. I think it is unfair. Alam nyo yung feeling na your parents promised you something pero di natupad, it's like that. Ang sakit isiping parang di man lang inisip ng management what the fans would feel. Marami ang kinikilig with their ASAP production number with Julia-Diego, EJ-Empress & JM-Lauren tapos papalitan pala. Julia even plugged their movie, with Albie during Chill Out tapos mawawala din pala? Siguro kung hindi naiplug ang Growing Up & movie with Albie, maiintindihan namin although some would still question the management bakit hindi si Albie ang ka-partner ni Kath but this one's different. Growing Up was announced pa nga the night Mara Clara ended diba, and it was clearly stated that it's with Albie, Kathryn, Julia & Diego. Obviously fans would anticipate that! Then all of a sudden magigising na lang kami (I literally read that Push article when I woke up) na wala na pala sya sa show? Put yourselves in our shoes.. I am disappointed with the network I used to admire since I was a kid. Di ko alam kelan babalik pero nawala na ako ng gana with their announcements, good news, and all. Akala ko kasi, importante sa ABS-CBN ang views & opinions ng viewers. If this is about the issue, then they proved me wrong. Mas importante pala ang mga royalties kesa mga taong I thought, pinapasaya nyo.

KMBT PExers, group hug!

2011-07-02T03:09:00.004+08:00

I'm trying to be productive despite the fact that I am not in the mood. I didn't see this one coming. I never thought I'd cry for something like this but yeah, I did. I want to put everything into writing instead of curling up in bed.

It's been 5 days. 5 days of anxiousness, fear, pity and hopelessness. I, or should I say, WE'VE been through one of the toughest times we have to face. A lot of things have been going on recently and most of them are simply unfair, biased and unreasonable. My twitter timeline was filled with hate-tweets, curses both for the management and the one involved. Everyone felt that we were tricked by the management, pinaasa. We anticipated this for so long, planned for this & the movie but we didn't knew that our efforts will be thrown away, just like that. Alam mo yung feeling na you're waiting for your parents to give you something coz they promised but they didn't? That's it! It's heartbreaking. We also met different people on Twitter & PEx thread, both having positive & negative feedbacks of what we are doing. Others understands us while others are calling us mababaw & makitid ang utak. What they don't know is what we truly feel about this. If they would put themselves into our shoes, I know they'd act the same. It's not na nagpadala kami agad sa init ng ulo. We talked about this matter privately. We kept mum about this but this has pushed us into our limits. We're just humans, may feelings din kami.

Despite everything, I am very much thankful that I have a bunch of aliens who stood by each other in this situation. Nakakataba ng puso yung feeling na kahit lugmok na lugmok ka na, they're offering you a hug to keep your spirit up. Yung kahit sila mismo masama ang loob, they still try their best to cheer others. This made our bond stronger and I know this too shall pass.

I am an alien. I have God & other aliens with me, therefore I will stand strong.

R: Pangarap Lang Kita

2011-06-17T03:01:00.005+08:00

Official Music Video

Narrative Video

I really like this song though I can't relate to it. I love the harmony and the blending of Sir Chits and Ms. Happee's voice. Swak na swak, perfect eh.

Lyrics:

Mabuti pa sa lotto...
May pag-asang manalo...
Di tulad sayo... impossible...
Prinsesa ka... ako'y dukha
Sa TV lang naman kasi may mangyayari
At kahit mahal kita... wala akong magagawa
Tanggap ko 'to aking sinta...
Pangrap lang kita...

Ang hirap maging babae
Kung torpe iyong lalaki
Kahit may gusto ka... di mo masabi
Hinde ako iyong tipong nagbibigay motibo
Conservative ako kaya di maaari
At kahit mahal kita... Wala ako magagawa
Tanggap ko 'to aking sinta, pangrap lang kita

At kahit mahal kita,
Wala ako magagawa
Tanggap ko 'to aking sinta, pangrap lang kita

(Happee's part)
Suiran wo hen ai ni
Wo mei fenfa gaosu ni
Wo xin zhong yi you oh ~ qinai
Danshi shi wo de ai

(Chito and Happee's part)
At kahit mahal kita (da ai ni)
Wala akong magagawa (wo zhen de mei fanfa)
Tanggap ko 'to aking sinta
Pangrap lang kita

"It's not about the money, it's passion."

2011-06-16T23:17:00.004+08:00

I wanna write what I feel right now. Its just that this feeling sucks, big time. I can't find ways or even words to express it. I feel so down. I think that if I'd narrate everything here would just mean me telling the story but won't lighten up my mood but I'm writing it anyway.

It's about the friggin' course I'm gonna take next year. Okay, fine. I might have stated in one of my previous entries that I'm gonna take up AB Journalism with some sureness with my words but guess what. That awesome sureness just left my last night.

I was on the phone with my Dad. No, he didn't called me on my phone. Actually it was my aunt, her sister who called Grandma's phone since I slept there last night to baby sit her coz she had allergies with her meds. Oh God, if you only knew how much I hate baby sitting anyone. Anyway, since Dad and Tita are together she asked me if I'd like to talk to him. Politeness flooded into me and I said yes (I actually regretted that yes, BTW.). So yeah, being casual I asked him how he was and he asked me the same question in return. Done with the formal talk, we talked about why I stopped this year and he's like, "I thought you're fine with engineering," "Engineering's great," "It just needs constant practice," "I know you're smart, you can do it," bla bla and bla. I simply responded, "I don't like the course Pa. I hated it, to be honest. I never dreamed of being one actually." So he asked me about my plans for next year (He meant the course I'm gonna take). So I said I'd like to take up AB Journalism. Not that I didn't expected it I was still surprised when he actually discouraged me. He said journalist would only mean something if you're sikat like those news anchors seen on television and most journalist would get minimum pay since they're here for public service. He and my Tita suggested Liacom, said that I could apply in any company afterwards since it's a double-major course blabla and bla but I said I don't like commerce but they said it's easy and all and I just need patience for it.

The bottom line is, I didn't chose this just to earn that friggin' money in the future. I chose this coz I know I'm interested in this field and this is my forte. Talk about passion not money, for Christ sake! This is my second shot and I want to own it this time. I won't study for that fuckin' course just because I'll earn big in it. Fuck you, people for thinking that everything is all about that friggin' money. I want to be happy with it.

"It's not about the money, it's passion." - Madam Anna, 100 Days to Heaven

Ex-girlfriends are easily forgotten..

2011-06-15T04:39:00.010+08:00

That line said it all.. Best friends stay with you forever. I will stay with you forever.

The bestfriend

2011-06-09T01:54:00.003+08:00

While writing the previous blog entry, "Palagi syang nandyan para sa akin.." (which happens to be a continuation of my lame story stuck in my blog) something hit me. I'm a sucker for these love stories. Stories about finding your one true love which happens to be your bestfriend. Stories how simple strangers became friends and eventually fell in love with each other. Believe it or not, I want this love story to happen in real life.

Well, my love story is not that nice. My heart was broken several times already and as for now, I choose not to fall in love again. But then, as what others say no one can escape love's calling and little did I know I was falling in love once again.

He was not my bestfriend. Well, somehow I see myself as his bestfriend coz basically I'm always there for him. Talk about his heartbreaks and break-ups, name it! I was there beside him. He was the best boy friend I ever had. He cared for me, well not just for me actually but also to his other girl friends but I feel more secured when I'm with him. I am comfortable with him and then yes, the time came when I fell for him.

This is not a happy ending since he didn't know any of these (well except he reads this) and the feeling's not mutual at all. But nevertheless, I'm happy to have him around even as a friend and that's something I wouldn't give up for this world.

Korea's Got Talent: Choi Sung-Bong

2011-06-08T22:47:00.002+08:00

I don't know if I cried because of his life story. I had goosebumps when he sang. This video is worth your time. You gotta press that play button.

Mara Clara

2011-06-03T23:25:00.008+08:00

Mara Clara Logo

Si Mara at Clara, noon at ngayon

Mara Clara Original Poster

Mara Clara Full Trailer

Noon at Ngayon

Almost 8 months ago, Mara Clara remake started to air on Philippine Television (exactly October 25, 2010). I kinda know the plot of this teleserye so I didn't bothered to watch. When I first watched it (not that I intended to), una kong pinuna ang suot ni Clara. The one when she wore plaid skirt and black turtle-neck long sleeve. Sabi ko agad, "Ugh, Blair Waldorf." Especially with her curls and headband. Nainis ako kasi ginagaya ang fashion sense ni Blair so I didn't dared to watch it again. Well sometimes na papanuod ko sya kung lumabas ako sa kwarto ko which I rarely do kasi I don't watch TV. I kinda knew the pace of the story, yung bumait si Clara at nakipagkaibigan kay Mara. Yung nilublob ni Gary si Desiree sa putikan. Piling scenes lang yung napapanuod ko if ever I had the chance to watch it since di ko rin naman inaabangan at pinapatapos. Everyone's talking about how cute Mara's leading man, Christian is and I really didn't give a damn. Until...

..this. I saw the scene when Christian catched Mara noong tinulak siya ni Desiree, then I instantly saw sparks flying around them. Then I said, "Hmm, pwede." Not that I became an official Mara Clara fanatic but I instantly fell in love with their love team. Kinilig ako.

Mara Clara: Book Two

Dito na ko talagang nagsimula manuod. Exactly the part when Lola Lupe read Karlo's diary and attempted to burn it. Mas naexcite kasi ako, sabi ko "At last, it's Clara's karma na." Nagsimula na din akong mag-abang ng MarTian (Mara-Christian) moments. I became a fan girl of a local TV show nang dahil sa MarTian. Kinilig, inabangan, humangad na sana makatagpo din ng isang Christian Torralba just like any typical girl.

Nagsimula na kong mag-abang, tumutok at makibahagi sa bawat episode ng Mara Clara. I became addicted to it. I joined KathBie MarTian PEx thread, met other fanatics via Twitter, joined the power tweet brigade for more KathBie scenes, naapektuhan sa mga kaganapan.. it was like a drug to me.

The Friendship Clip

The Last Scene

The last few scenes that showed how Mara still cared for Clara while she was in a mental institution, the friendship clip and the last part when Clara was finally out of the institution and they both hugged each other made me cry. I was moved by Mara's kind heart. Honestly kung ako yun, di ko magagawang patawarin ang taong halos sumira na ng buhay ko but she was really kind enough to let it all go. Buti na lang Clara changed and accepted her mistakes.

Sa kanyang pagtatapos, di ko maexplain ang naramdaman ko. Lungkot kasi wala na yung pinapanuod ko, masaya kasi successful ang show nila at proud sa success ng Mara Clara team. The show taught us so many things at siguro I don't need to sum it all up just to prove it.

CONGRATULATION TO THE MARA CLARA TEAM. Pinasaya nyo kami, pinaluha, ininis, pinakilig at lahat lahat na. Thank you so much!

I do not own any picture used in this entry.

WHY ARE WE STILL FRIENDS II: The first meeting

2011-06-03T18:23:00.007+08:00

Tapos na ang graduation, college enrollment na. Eto na naman ang walang katapusang pila sa accounting office at college offices. Kate has no options left, she has to take Accounting or else di sya pagpapaaralin ng Mom nya. May business kasi sila and being the only child, it's expected na sya ang magtataguyod nito after college.

Can I just say no? Ano ba naman kasi, akala ko ba ako yung mag-aaral tapos sila yung mamimili ng kurso ko? Oh, com'on. This is unfair! I thought college is equal to freedom.

College? Isa yan sa mga hindi kasama sa listahan ni John pero ano pa nga ba ang magagawa nya? Kahit anong gawin nya, di uubra sa parents nya ang mga palusot nya. Buti na lang pinayagan sya na pumili ng course na gusto nya.

Fine. I'll give Information Technology a try. Pasalamat sila mahilig din ako sa computer. Ayoko naman talagang mag-aral eh, sila lang yung pilit ng pilit. Kailangan daw sa future, para mapakinabangan ko raw sa pagtanda ko. Eh andyan naman sila, bakit kailangan ko pang magsumikap?

Enrollment. Nakapila sa accounting si John para magbayad ng enrollment fee. Buti na lang sobra ang hiningi ko. May ipang gigimik ako mamaya.

Teller: Sir, you need to fill this up.

John: Oh shoot! Wala akong ballpen dito. (bumalik sa upuan) Uhm, Miss? Can I borrow your pen? Excuse me, Miss..

Kate: (tinanggal ang earphones) Oh, sorry. Ano yun?

John: Sabi ko, pahiram ng pen mo.

Kate: Ah, here.

John: (nagmadaling tapusin ang form at binalik sa babae ang pen) Eto, salamat.

Kate: No problem.

John: (bumalik sa teller at nagbayad)
Kate: (umalis na din palabas na ng university)

I'll be a different world this time. New faces, new experiences. Sana this time walang makasisira ng goal ko until graduation. I just need to finish this for my parents.

Mas lumawak na naman mundo ko ngayon, ano kaya ang madadagdag sa buhay ko ngayon? Pff. Ang sagwa, senti ko lang. Haha! Matawagan na nga lang ang tropa para makagimik na.

WHY ARE WE STILL FRIENDS I: Two opposite souls

2011-06-03T03:46:00.010+08:00

Graduation. Noon, excited akong mag fourth year pero hindi dito. Ayoko kasi malayo sa mga kaibigan ko, ang mga taong inaasahan ko. Mga taong kasangga ko kahit anong mangyari. Para sa akin, sapat na ang mga alaala ko sa high school, masaya na ko sa mga ito. Di ko na kailangang maghanap ng iba. Kontento na ko.

I'm Kate. Only child. Graduating high school student. Has a strong personality at palaging nasasabihang suplada. Well, I admit. Suplada nga rin naman ako pero sa mga taong nararapat lang sa ugaling ito. To be honest, I'm generous and soft-hearted hindi nga lang masyadong halata. Papano ba naman kasi, sa mundo ngayon may tao pa ba na nararapat sa kabaitan ko?

At last, ga-graduate na kami ng tropa. Pwede na naming gawin ang gusto naming gawin. Sino ba naman kasi ang gustong manatili dito sa high school? Bawat galaw, parang minamatyagan. Bawat kasalanan di pwedeng madaan sa usapan, dapat may katapat na sanction. At last, makakalaya na kami.

Ako si John. Mahilig sa skate. Friendly, makulit, maaasahan, at takbuhan ng kaibigan. Mabait daw ako pero minsan isip bata. Makitid din daw ang pag-intindi at medyo selfish. Di naman nila ako masisisi. Gusto ko lang namang maramdamang may nagmamahal at nag-aalala sa akin. Attention seeker na kung yun ang gusto nyong itawag sa akin pero yun din naman ang totoo. Sino ba kasi ang gustong naiiwan palagi? Left out ba tawag dun, ah oo, yun nga.

How can I start?

2011-06-02T04:32:00.003+08:00

I've been seeing this opportunity as a way to follow my dream and do what I wanted to but somehow it ended up as something that would trigger my inferiority complex. Of course, I want to be there. I want to study there but thinking about the fact that people there are very much competitive and far different with the environment I came from makes me feel stupid and small and low. Whether it's in UP or UST or DLSU or anywhere, I feel that I am behind everyone there. I might not be worthy.

Another thing that keeps on bothering me is about the requirement of having no failing grade. It's not that I doubted myself that much but I really don't think I did well in my classes not just in summer. I feel like I don't have any bragging rights that I was once an Engineering student and I feel bad about it. So yeah, about that "no failing grade" thing. My mind's bugling me and the fact that I am thinking "What if I didn't passed?" gives me goosebumps and twists my stomach. Not that I see myself as someone incapable to pass but I keep on seeing myself as someone who's low and unworthy of it all.

Can I just be happy with my life right now and see myself pursuing my dreams? I know I am determined but every time I think about it something pulls me down to the bottom and that is my fear.

Well, hello freedom

2011-05-30T02:45:00.004+08:00

I never thought I'd be happy like I am right now. Finally..

Despite of what me and Mom are experiencing, it really made me feel so much lighter when at last, I was able to tell my inner thoughts about my course. "Indi na ko sang engineering. Kung gina suka ya ko, mas gina suka ko sya." Those were the exact words that came from my mouth. I thought Mom would somehow scold me for my use of words but surprisingly no. She asked me to find a school for a course in English or Language major and agreed to the idea that I SHOULD shift.

A very unexpected thing for my Mom to say but she did and it made my heart leap. This year, I'd be staying at home and will rant about missing school coz I'd probably miss it after several months of not seeing my mates. I'm trying to find a school with the said degree and to my biggest surprise, I saw the course that interested me the most at UP Diliman. Whoa, right? Actually, the sound of me being there is a big "whoa" already. I feel like I don't belong there since I stereotyped that school to be a home for the "matatalinos" which I don't belong. But nevertheless, I'm gonna try my luck and ask my Dad about it. Mom said she cannot afford to send me off to Manila so probably, if my Dad won't agree then I'll settle for a degree in UP Miagao or University of San Carlos in Cebu.

Much thoughts for tonight. No words can describe how happy I am right now. I literally cried when I digested the fact that I am no longer an engineer. Well, coz I never imagined myself to be one someday.

2011-05-29T01:01:00.003+08:00

I wasn't in this situation before so basically I don't know how to handle this. Ngayon ko lang nakita si Mama na ganito, ngayon lang kaya hindi ko maiwasang maiyak everytime I think about it.

I am not a good daughter, I am not a good student pero yung totoo I care about her all the time. I'm so clueless kung ano ang gagawin ko ngayon to help her. I want to help her.

Bakit naman kasi ganito? Bakit kailangan pang magkaganito?

We're just having fun

2011-05-23T02:04:00.007+08:00

So what we get drunk
So what we smoke weed
We're just having fun
We don't care who sees
So what we go out
That's how it's supposed to be
Living young and wild and free

Living young, wild & free. Yeah, I wanna live a life like that but obviously I can't.

I am sooooo hooked with that song. Definitely the story of my life and my circle of friends. Well basically, I am not your super role model teenager. Consider me as a bad influence. A black sheep. Whatever you wanna name it. But I assure you guys, I am definitely enjoying myself.

Missed drinking with friends. I've been on a good track lately because of my summer class.

2011-05-21T12:41:00.001+08:00

Feels like shit.

One great love?

2011-05-21T01:59:00.005+08:00

Okay, I cried because of that video. And yes, somehow something resurfaced. Old love, past relationship. Now I'm pretty sure "that" it didn't end. Well actually, this video just triggered something in me.

Back track. It's been 21 months since we've met and it's been 16 months since he decided to end everything. It was a literal suicide for me. I am not good in handling break-ups. It felt like my world crushed and everything was falling apart. I skipped school often. I seldom study. I often go out and drink. I don't recognize myself anymore.

I think I've got to admit, he was my one great love. Well, for now. Yes he is and everything was just thrown away. But I don't think "everything" was thrown away, I guess a part of me will always keep him and recall all the sweet memories once shared. We we're happy until she came to the picture I guess.

I don't know why I'm writing this now. Its just that everytime I watch videos like this while I am on attack, memories about him flashes back. He was someone in my life.

Stranger?

2011-05-20T23:18:00.003+08:00

It's been months since the last time I saw him. You know that feeling? The one that makes you wanna hug that person the moment you see him/her. Yes, exactly.

I never imagined seeing him would toss my mood upside down. I was okay two nights before that, we were okay. I was soooooo excited to see him when he told me he'd drop by our school to get his transcript. Yeah, he was there. He came to where I was usually staying while waiting for my next class but he wasn't the *toooot* he was before, or maybe the one I thought I knew? He was "suplado." I asked him to sit with us, but he refused. It's like he don't want me to touch him. UMIIWAS SYA & ALL and I seriously don't know why.

What makes me feel bad? The feeling of being rejected. I did everything to lighten up the mood that day. I was so excited to tell him stories of how my summer was with all these classes but he wasn't that excited as I was.

Why did he have to go there if he would just ignore me? Sana di na lang sya nagpakita.

2011-05-16T15:16:00.003+08:00

I'm sorry for being an asshole with my posts and other rants all over the net.

At least, I'm not a shiny plastic.

I just don't feel well and I've been under bipolar attacks frequently these past few days.

Uncool, I know but what can I do.

39 months & still counting

2011-05-16T14:55:00.007+08:00

This was taken last May 14, 2011. Yeah, our monthsary and we've been together for 39 months already. I can clearly remember how I became close to these bunch of weird yet adorable peeps.

I was nursing a broken heart way back when I was in 3rd year highschool. Chackie and I know someone who was "kinda" related to my ex so we started talking about it all of the time. Then I started hanging out with them. I joined in their "plot" of surprising Mimay on her birthday and that night, I was also considered as a part of the group.

I consider myself as a black sheep among them. I am the only one (I guess) with vices and the only one who don't seem to care about my studies. I am purely different compared to them. But you know what, these guys brings out the best in me. They're the only reason why I turned down a drinking invitation from a friend. HAHA! Which is soooooo not usual to me.

I'd do everything for them. Yes, we may have bumpy roads ahead but we'll be together until the end. Just a friendly reminder - Hurt them, and I'll seriously kill you. :)

2011-05-16T11:25:00.003+08:00

This is fckin bullsh8t! I waited for almost 10 hours for my video to be uploaded, then what?! Youtube disabled the audio because of some copyright issues. The hell! Why other videos are still on Youtube if there are copyright issues in the first place.

Pissed, annoyed, name it all! I woke up with this and this seriously ruined my day!

7/100

2011-05-12T23:27:00.001+08:00

Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item

As of now, yes. This is my most treasured item.

Bakit naman kasi hindi, eh sa course ko pag wala kang calculator gagapang ka sa pagssolve. HAHA!

Don't judge unless you know the story

2011-05-11T18:10:00.007+08:00

Srsly guys? Your negative side comments are not necessarily need. Of course, you're entitled with your own fckn opinion but do you really need to say this and that? I mean, you gotta respect dude! We don't know the real and complete story behind it so why judge like you know everything? Don't judge unless you know the everything. Even Google who knows it all doesn't breath a word.

Sorry, but yes I'm affected with the issue. I don't need to narrate everything here, not necessary just like your negative comments.

Stop stereotyping! It sucks.. bigtime! There's a nothing wrong when someone has vices. They don't have to perfect, they're just human so save your energy and shut the fck up.

6/100

2011-05-11T18:03:00.002+08:00

Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day

No, not Blair Waldorf coz obviously she's a fictional character.

Yes, Leighton Meester. My super duper girl crush. :)

5/100

2011-05-06T00:55:00.001+08:00

Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory

I forgot the exact date but this was 2008 and I was in 2nd year high school.

The very first time I met Callalily. :)

Kuya Kean, I miss you!

4/100

2011-05-01T10:52:00.002+08:00

Day 04 - A picture of your night

March 27, 2010

This was the greatest night of my life.

Watch your back

2011-04-30T18:45:00.003+08:00

I hate how people react when someone has vices, especially na artista sila. Like, hello?! They're humans dude. You don't expect them to be perfect. They have their own flaws. And to think that people are already judging them at their age by now, I know mas marami pang issues in the future.

You know what's nakakainis? Yung mga taong nagsasabing, "Oh, sayang sya." ganito, ganyan. Ba't sayang? Nawala ba ang future nya dahil sa ginawa nya? Parang tingin nyo naman sa kanila napakasamang tao na. Have you faced the mirror lately my dear?

3/100

2011-04-30T18:33:00.002+08:00

Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show

Gossip Girl

I love the drama, the scheming, the rivalry and the love story.

Chuck-Blair all the way bby!

2/100

2011-04-29T02:34:00.003+08:00

Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest

Oh yeah. That's my Mom. Except being a mom she's also my bestfriend, mentor, cheerleader, conscience, financer, clown.. lahat na and she did everything for me. And if you'd ask me if I love her hell yeah!

1/100

2011-04-22T22:46:00.004+08:00

Day 01 - A picture of yourself and ten facts

1. I am monophobic. Try to google it if you don't get it.

2. I am bipolar.

3. I am weird.

4. I am nocturnal.

5. I am a Twitter addict and I can't let the day pass without checking my Twitter.

6. I am a disappointment. I failed a lot of things already and I disappointed a lot of people too.

7. I find myself really unattractive.

8. I find love fictional.

9. I am easily attached to what I am reading or watching.

10. I am a blabbermouth.

The 100 Days Challenge

2011-04-22T22:09:00.002+08:00

My friend tagged me on facebook about the 100 Days Challenge thing I was planning to do a month ago but I forgot to. So, here's the list of what I need to do for the challenge and it'll start... today. :>

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show
Day 04 - A picture of your night
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory
Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day
Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most screwed up things with
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate
Day 12 - A picture of something you love
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently
Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity
Day 19 - A picture and a letter
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change
Day 25 - A picture of your day
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member
Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile
Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss
Day 31 - A picture of what you dream to wear
Day 32 - A picture of what you want for the next day
Day 33 - A picture of you & 1 of your very good friend
Day 34 - A picture of your walet & stuffs inside
Day 35 - A picture of your favorite place.
Day 36 - A picture of u & ur sister & a 10 definition about her
Day 37 - A picture of the people you spend most of your time with
Day 38 - A picture of the best part of your day
Day 39 - A picture of your favorite movie
Day 40 - A picture of your favorite character
Day 41 - A picture of u & ur mom & 5 special message u want to say
Day 42 - A picture of your dream house.
Day 43 - A picture of something that makes u cry !
Day 44 - A picture of someone you’re told you look like.
Day 45 - A picture of you wished your room looked like.
Day 46 - A picture of where you wish you were right now.
Day 47 - A picture of your favorite place to shop.
Day 48 - A picture of your favorite actress/actor.
Day 49 - A picture of where you live.
Day 50 - A picture of what you'll be doing tomorrow.
Day 51 - A picture of your dream car.
Day 52 - A picture of your favorite friend on facebook
Day 53 - A picture of someone you think is hot.
Day 54 - A picture of the one thing you would bring if u were stranded on an island.
Day 55 - A picture of u & ur recent ex boyfriend & a special msg to him/her
Day 56 - A picture of something that makes you happy.
Day 57 - A picture of your favorite holiday.
Day 58 - A picture of your favorite animal.
Day 59 - A picture of a random item that you own w/c u like most
Day 60 - A picture of something that makes u excited
Day 61 - School class picture
Day 62 - Last place you traveled to
Day 63 - a picture when u last received a medal / certificate
Day 64 - picture what u always do when u dont have class / work
Day 65 - A picture of you and ur group of friends in higschool
Day 66 - A picture of you & ur group of frends in college
Day 67 - ONE thing in ur room that matters to u most
Day 68 - A shoe that you like
Day 69 - picture of something u want to eat right now
Day 70 - Something you borrowed from someone else
Day 71 - A picture of some thing that was given to u by ur friend
Day 72 - A picture of something that gives u strenght
Day 73 - A picture of ur friend that makes u laugh
Day 74 - a picture of a place which u wish u can held your wedding
Day 75 - picture of u & ur cousins
Day 76 - a picture of u & ur 2 closest friend:)
Day 77 - The last thing that you bought
Day 78 - Your watch.
Day 79 - picture of a friend u think handsome.
Day 80 - picture of a friend u think very talkative
Day 81 - picture of a friend u think pretty!
Day 82 - picture u think u were very happy at that time
Day 83 - picture of u & ur teacher
Day 84 - picture of ur brother/s
Day 85 - Something pink & 5 reasons why u chose it
Day 86 - Something that ur frend gave u
Day 87 - picture of ur relatives that close to ur heart
Day 88 - picture that u always eat when watching tv
Day 89 - picture of u & 3 guy friends
Day 90 - picture of ur current place
Day 91 - Something that made you smile today
Day 92 - picture of u & ur dad .
Day 93 - picture of a place where u work
Day 94 - a picture that u want to buy someday
Day 95 - place u want to go this december
Day 96 - place u miss most
Day 97 - picture of u & ur friend when ur last bday
Day 98 - Your favorite nail polish color
Day 99 - picture that makes u feel happy today
Day 100 - The final picture of yourself with 15 facts

This is not goodbye coz you'll be in our hearts forever

2011-04-21T20:51:00.002+08:00

It's been four days since I woke up with the news that AJ Perez died in a vehicular accident. That news was not the one I expected to receive on Mom's birthday.

It was devastating. Though I wasn't a big fan of AJ, hearing the news broke my heart. I caught myself weeping then I decided to get up and change my display picture in Twitter and Facebook. Accepting it was really hard, and until now I cannot accept it. It was a really hard to celebrate Mom's birthday that day. I cannot enjoy because of the sadness I was keeping behind my smiles.

I know what I'm feeling is nothing compared to those who really know him personally especially his family. I avoided watching news because I was scarred to cry the moment they would feature something about him. I was on denial stage.

Ngayon, everytime I hear or read "Wala na si AJ." hindi na ganon ka sad ang nararamdaman ko pero everytime I'd see his picture and look straight in his eyes hindi ko napipigilang umiyak. Sayang, sayang si AJ. He was just my age. Marami pa siyang maaaring maabot.

AJ, alam kong okay ka na ngayon kasi kasama mo na si papa God. Alam kong mahal na mahal ka niya kasi hindi ka na Niya hinayaang maghirap. Di ka naman mawawala eh, kasi alam kong hindi ka mawawala sa mga puso namin. Guide us AJ. We love you.

R: Tell Her Something

2011-04-21T18:14:00.002+08:00

Originally posted last March 28, 2011

A song that definitely moved me. Yung sasabihin mong, "Sana kahit iniwan niya ko, sasabihin niya din to." Yung feeling na kahit nagkahiwalay na kayo, masaya ka pa din kasi he still cares for you.

One of the feelings I never felt.

Anyway, you guys better listen to this song and tell me what you think. :)

LYRICS:

Tell her she is all that's beautiful

Tell her everything's my fault

Tell her this is not what I had planned

Tell I am moving on

Tell her love will come around, someday

Please tell her not to cry

I never meant for love to leave her cold tonight

Please tell her that I tried to spare her all my lies

Tell her something

Tell her I am lost in misery

Tell her I have lost my mind

Tell her love was such a mystery

Tell her tunnels end in light

Tell her love will come around, someday

But please tell her not to cry

I never meant for love to leave her cold tonight

Please tell her that I tried to spare her all my lies

Tell her something

I cannot say all that my heart longs to tell her

That nothing can change

That all of these words are not enough

Tell her she is all that's beautiful

Tell her everything's my fault

Please tell her not to cry

I never meant for love to leave her cold tonight

Please tell her that I tried to spare her all my lies

Tell her something

R: Catch Me, I'm in Love

2011-04-21T18:12:00.004+08:00

Originally posted last March 28, 2011

Catch Me I'm in Love

Well, the movie is about a guy, Erick who is actually the president's son being involved in an immersion because of his father's orders. He was supervised by a commoner, a NGO employee named Roan. At first, she was annoyed because of Erick's personality up to the point when she said things about his attitude and compared him to his father. Because of that, he was convinced that he should mingle with the community where he was immersing and later realized how lucky he is. He also developed his feelings towards Roan and later asked her to be his girlfriend. Having mutual feelings, Roan committed herself to Erick and planned to introduce him to her family but when their relationship went to public a lot of people began to criticize her about being suitable for the first son. Indeed, it is a story of how to people from different two different world struggled to make their relationship last.

I was thrilled to watch this movie. Alam ko kasing kikiligin ako pag pinanuod ko to. Yup, to be honest eto palang ang second time na kinilig ako as in kinikilig na parang kinikiliti sa kaka smile dahil sa on screen loveteam. I was really happy I made a choice of watching this movie. Truly worth the money for the ticket. You should watch this film, kung gusto niyong kiligin, maluha at matawa. You definitely need to add this to your list.

Random thoughts. Read if you want.

2011-04-21T18:11:00.002+08:00

Originally posted last March 18, 2011

Next week will be our final exams then off for the summer vacation. Hopefully I get a decent grade for my subjects.

Currently taking extra effort for my Analytic Geometry but outside my class. Jsyn, I am not attending our classes anymore.

Bipolar attacks are still on. :|

Lesser time on the internet makes my life less awesome.

Working on our research paper with Karen. YES! Karen, only her! Fck this research paper! What's the use of the groups?!

Currently bored and wants someone to talk to on twitter.

Yes, on twitter coz I'm starting to be less active in facebook.

Being in a place where everyone's there is boring. Well, facebook's too mainstream for me.

I cried over this for days

2011-04-21T18:10:00.002+08:00

Originally posted last March 5, 2011

I actually don’t know what to do right now. I’ve been battling myself about this certain problem I’ve been facing lately. Realizing that this field is not for me, my urge to pursue what I truly desire became intense. I know I cannot change anything right now. As of now, I am studying under what my Mom wants me to be for me to lift our lives when I graduate. Reality says that I cannot have what I want right now but I’d honestly give up anything for me to study at CSB and pursue the course I really wanted.

My heart belongs to arts. I know I cannot draw unlike my other friends and classmates but I am fascinated with digital arts or any graphics and design which are produced with the use of devices and stuff. I wanted to be good at it that’s why I want to study more about it. My Mom said that it is not a practical course for me to take up. It would waste my time after I graduate in finding a job but no matter what she says, my heart was never a distant to that ambition.

I know a lot of my subjects are almost failing. I don’t know how to tell my Mom about this. I’ve been very much guilty about this because I know that if only I had studied well and much, I shouldn’t be experiencing this. But how can I give much effort if I do not love what I am doing? How can I have the interest in having good grades and in studying if I am not interest with what I am doing? I know, in myself that I can do this. I am capable of passing these but it is not what my heart wants me to do.

If only I could choose what I want.. I’d do anything, give up even everything for that.

Depressed Test

2011-04-21T18:09:00.002+08:00

Disorder	Your Score
Major Depression:	High-Moderate
Dysthymia:	Moderate
Bipolar Disorder:	Extremely High
Cyclothymia:	Very High
Seasonal Affective Disorder:	Extremely High
Postpartum Depression:	N/A
Take the Depression Test

I knew about the bipolar part only.

- http://www.depressedtest.com/

Can I have a reset?

2011-04-21T18:08:00.002+08:00

Originally posted last February 28, 2011

I am not okayy. :( Our anageo professor gave our grades just this morning and I am not pleased with my grade. I am disappointed. :( very disappointed. Getting this grade would be normal in the prelim period but not midterm. Now it seems that I need not just to double time but to lot of catching up to do in my studies. Having this grade on midterm would mean I might have a lower grade in the prelim.

I don't want to be a disappointment to my Mom. She's always giving me what I need and want in exchange for a decent grade and if I fail to do so, I myself would also be affected. I know this course is not my passion, but I don't have any choice. I am studying for the sake of my future. My future job, future life but not because I wanted this as my profession.

I wonder why others would let their child study their own field. I need to have a lot of struggling to do this time. I just need a vent.

Change

2011-04-21T18:06:00.002+08:00

Originally posted last February 25, 2011

AM I SUCH A PESSIMIST?

I know, and I can feel it. I have changed my views on life and especially love. I remembered, before I was always arming myself with the thought that one day my life or my love story would be the same with the movies I have watched. I was the cheesy type of person. I am easily pleased with sweet words and text messages but now, I don't know. I rarely believe what I am seeing and what I am feeling.

Every time there's something that could flatter my, I always think twice in believing them. Nag-iisip pa kasi ako kung tama bang paniwalaan ko un or it's just one of the lies this world has. There's a lot of things that has caused me pain and of course lies weren't out of the list.

Siguro I'm just fed up with all of them. I was used with those fake thoughts, words, feelings that I used to feel or encounter that's why I am having this defense mechanism of not believing everything.

Well, if you're one of the persons I have doubted or haven't believed - I'm sorry. Maybe if you know me that much, you'd probably understand but if not it's okay.

I know you dgaf but I miss you sloth ~

2011-04-21T17:58:00.003+08:00

Originally posted last February 25, 2011

Remember when we used to eat together? Remember those senseless talks we had before? Remember those jokes you threw that would really make me laugh? Remember the old times? Remember us?

If you'd be able to read this, I'm letting you know that I miss you. I miss my closest guy friend and I wish things will go back to what they were before.

Stolen shot by: Faye (022111)

R: A Crazy Little Thing Called Love

2011-04-21T17:56:00.003+08:00

Originally posted last February 24, 2011

Just finished watching this movie, and yes I cried on some scenes. The story was really nice but for me, nothing like this would ever happen especially during these times. I'm sorry for sounding like I'm so negative but I'm just looking at what's happening. I've seen couples and witnessed how some break up and I don't think a story like this would still exist.

I am fascinated with the story. I am really touched and moved by how Nam loved Shone and how Shone kept his feelings for the sake of his best friend. In other words, I would like this to happen to me. Yes, but I am keeping my eyes wide open by accepting that stories like this doesn't exist. *Sorry for being redundant.*

And oh, btw. This scene made me cry like hell. ;)

R: Terrible Things

2011-04-21T17:54:00.003+08:00

Originally posted last February 24, 2011

So this is the newest song from Mayday Parade.

*huraaah! this band is so awesome!*

It was my friend who told me first about the song and I felt the same feeling she felt when she first listened to this song.

So yeah, care to press the play button? :)

I'm sure this won't waste your time, swear! HAHA.

LYRICS :

By the time I was your age I've give anything

To fall in love truly was all I could think

That's when I met your Mother, the girl of my dreams

The most beautiful woman that I'd ever seen

She said, "Boy can I tell you a wonderful thing?

I can't help but notice you staring at me

I know I shouldn't say this

But I really believe that I can tell by your eyes that you're in love with me"

Now son, I'm only telling you this because

Life, can do terrible things

Now most of the time we'd have too much to drink

We'd laugh at the stars and we'd share everything

Too young to notice and too dumb to care

Love was a story that couldn't compare

I said, "Girl can I tell you a wonderful thing

I made you a present with paper and string

Open with care, now I'm asking you please

You know that I love you, will you marry me?"

Now son, I'm only telling you this because

Life, can do terrible things

You'll learn one day, I hope and I pray

That God, shows you differently

She said, "Boy can I tell you a terrible thing?

It seems that I'm sick and I've only got weeks

Please don't be sad now, I really believe

You were the greatest thing that ever happened to me."

Slow, so slow, I fell to the ground on my knees

So don't fall in love, there's just too much to lose

If given the choice then I beg you to choose

To walk away, walk away

Don't let her get you

I can't bare to see the same thing happen to you

Now son, I'm only telling you this because

I'm going home, back to the place where I belong

2011-04-21T17:48:00.004+08:00

My heart still returns to Blogger! Yayy! Haha. I guess I need to transfer some entries I've made at LJ. :)

2011-02-17T23:09:00.000+08:00

Favorite song ever since. :)

Help please.

2011-02-17T23:01:00.005+08:00

Hello there amazing people! :) okayy, so I really need help right now. I need suggestions for my music blog and of course my phone, coz it's been a while since I downloaded songs.

So, I'd be really grateful for your help with this. I just can't think of what song to download or to cover. I doesn't need to a new song as long as it's nice. :) Just leave a comment, k? THANKS.

HOLLA MUSIC BLOG.

2011-02-15T22:48:00.005+08:00

Oh! I have a new Tumblog besides the one I use very often. This one is where I put all my junk (music stuff) since I can't find any audio-hosting site.

You can go check it out. It has only two songs for now but I'm gonna keep up. :) be nice, okayy?

2011-01-28T23:44:00.002+08:00

Sana di ba pwede kong sabihin na ikaw? :) but no, I won't coz I treasure our friendship more than anything else. I missed you.

Almost died, unfortunately I'm alive

2011-01-21T18:02:00.004+08:00

A lot of things happened recently. Things I never imagined to happen actually..

Yes, I have my suicidal instincts and I am a bipolar but please spare me from your stereotyping of me being an emo. I don't want to be labelled that way.

I don't know what happened to my mind that time. I just wanted to leave. I was not scared of what might happen, instead I was excited. I took 23 meds in one blow.

I didn't die but it made me high. Unfortunately, their effects took toll on me for a week and drained all my strength. I wasn't able to attend my classes. I was just in my bed for a week. I feel like vomiting everytime I recall what happened that night.

I was so ready to leave during that time. I had my favorite Pikachu with me, I texted Diane all my accounts and played on repeat Someone by Aprilio Story. Then everything failed.

This story may be unbelievable for those who hears them for the first time but I don't blame them. They don't know me, that's why.

Please, no!

2011-01-08T21:40:00.005+08:00

I really don't know if this should be placed here. This just happened recently and to be honest, I am still not sure of what I feel.

I do have guy friends, in fact there's a lot. It's just that I'm more comfortable going out with guys rather than girls. Anyway, I have one friend who's totally nice, I mean really nice. He cares a lot, he makes me and others laugh a lot and he's always there. We get along well.

I was used drinking with him. Recently had almost two weeks straight of drinking before the christmas break. I did because I was.. yeah, hurt? Well, cleansing my heart out. Drowning all the pain as what others say. That's it. And him, well I guess he did it because of it too.

Anyway, he would usually get mad at me for staying out late drinking. And I would also get mad at him for not coming class and other stuff. Yeah, so I was kinda mad at him when we went back to class after holidays coz he missed three classes I guess.

Blabla, we talked. Yeah, talked. Then something happened. And that something gave me chills. I mean, I felt static all over my body. No joke. I never did that for almost a year and it felt like he's someone really special.

Idk, but I don't want this feeling to be positive because I don't want to lose him. Yeah, I know for sure falling for you friend won't lead to anything nice. If you'd be with each other, you'd eventually break up and things won't be the same as they were before. That's something I don't want to happen. I treasure him as what he is right now and having a more-than-friends feeling is the least I could think about.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2011-01-01T20:51:00.004+08:00

New Year's blast was fun! Celebrating it with my family makes it more worth while. Every tradition we had way back before we're kept but new ones kept on pouring. :)

But one bitter part was missing him still. It was last New Year's celeb when he was here with my and my family and now.. we'll I can't keep the tear in my eye the first time I walked in the kitchen and saw the foods they prepared. Last year kasi, pinipilit siya ni lola kumaen kahit busog na busog na daw siya. Last night, lola has no one to push to eat.

But nevertheless everything went pretty well. :) i bid goodbye to 2010 wasted, and welcomed 2011 still wasted. :D may this year be full of blessings. ;)

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

Your Love by I See Stars (The Outfield Cover)

2010-12-28T23:20:00.003+08:00

My favorite track from the album Punk Goes Classic Rock.

I'm gonna stand up and fight for my own happiness

2010-12-28T23:07:00.004+08:00

I am deeply moved by Tiff and Diane and Mek's words. Right now, I have one goal in mind and that is to show the world how fckn strong I am. Yes, I may have lost the fight right now but I will always be a winner because he will never meet someone like me ever again. Hell yeah! That's the spirit! \m/

I'm gonna stand up and fight for my own happiness. And I'm gonna show them who the Keille is. :D

Thanks fellas! You really meant the world to me. Not just those three who were mentioned but also other friends who supports me all through out. I would never get through this alone. THANK YOU!

Similarities?

2010-12-28T21:53:00.003+08:00

Another post from my Facebook because Mahren said so. :) ever since we broke up, I stuffed myself watching One More Chance and of course crying. Later I realized that at some point, there are some similarities between the movie and what I was experiencing that time.

(Original post, copied from Facebook)

Hmm. Things // Lines nga related ang OMC movie kag sa movie xg life ko xbg. :(
* Mahren asked me to post this here.

- xg ara sila sa field (1styear anniversary)
Basha: After 10 years, ganito pa rin kaya tayo?
Popoy: Ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen! Forever and ever!

^ ngaa sa 14 gd b mauntat isip? Tas ang sugpon, forever and ever? Oh cm'on!

- xg gatalk sila sa resto about xg planu xg haus xg tita ni Popoy
Basha: Liitan na ln kaya natin ung walk way, katulad ng ginawa natin sa bahay natin.
Popoy: Gusto ko yan.

^ sa nka basa xg txnai nmun, he also said "bxi bla kaw gd guro mdaunan q xa ulihi. gux2 q na."

- xg gndul'ong ni Basha ang plnu sa condo ni Popoy, xg naghibi xa tas nagsori. Kapila ygd gnsulit2 ang word nga "sorry".

^ like wut i did in front of him, January26.

- pirmi gna mention sa last parts ang word nga "panindigan"

^ before sa text, he would always say nga panindigan ia ang gna hambal ia.

- Popoy went to Qatar for 2 years to find ang nadula nga Popoy pagbreak nila for

^ he said he'd be back after 2 years :(

---

Nanotice ko ln after last2 night ko nga lantaw. The 4th time ko nga lantaw that day. Pft :|

Text Conversation last April 9, 2010

2010-12-28T21:49:00.006+08:00

This was posted on my Facebook page and since I've decided to delete them I guess it will always have a place in me so I'll save it here in my blog.

This was our text conversation last April 9 and for the record I cried 6 hours straight.

- ako
- xa
- timing I'll Never Go gatukar pagbasa ko

---

hmbla xa gi, pngta nln xa xg baye nga mhmpngan ia pla ksulit. nkpoi ngd q ktma. :( xkt nga prmi ln q gka byaan. du blai ln gdia pnan'aw ia xqn. mblik ln xqn kn mphuwai, pu pgka dsn byaan nman. xkt2 na.

waah. kurt ni. hmpngan? la tka bla gn hampangan. grbe bah. t nd knagd? laxt q nln ni na ambl. pwd pa? d tna ka pgkuli2n.

blu k, gs2 q pbtyg nbtygn q. ra bla ghbi wai untat, wai nln gana. gs2 q hnulsulan m tnan. tnan2.

anu gux2 mu aw? manu q? nu hmuon q?

asta mln na jpun tnan sa hmbl kurt. k'4 na. asta pla pa antis m mrealze nga xkt2 na? gna pnumdum m mn aihan nbtyg q?

du na anad ln q b na du la paki'alam. hai. cnxa gd. d nln q mg hmbal2. tumanon q nln. hmuon q ln ang gka dpat.

kpla na nah nmu nhmbl? ari pna d txt m. kn gnhmu m, tne dba wai q gaantus xbg. tne wai q gaamu n? bsn kluoi b, pls? kn mngta k tripan, pls nd aq. dmu nq da naagyan, d nq :( wai q gna pngau nga mgng kta lwat. rsp2ha ln bla nbtyg q. daku kna, kchndi k nman na gru. d mq klngln paasahun.

t nd na. tama na. wai na. bxi bla kaw gd guro mdaunan q xa ulihi. gux2 q na. bhala nda ang future. bxta xa cna na adlw la ka tni migu. bxta mga after grad q. geh. buy'e naq. tma na ni. nd na mg axa.

ga'e q rasn pra d n pghnulsulan, aftr 2yrs. iloveyou, thank you gd.

anu nga rxon?

wla q kblu. pu tne wai q ngsala dcde.

2od na. d ln dny xbn ky du ka haxol pa. gux2 q 4ever pro d q kchndi naa nd. hai. aftr 2yrx na guro ready naq gru xa 4ever na gna hmbal q.

d mln gd q gru amu na kplngga. aus ln, dmu pda. d mgdali, dmu kpa mklala along d way.

nd ah. plangga tpka ia. kxo du la ln gd q gana ia.

mdula mna gru amat2, ge ln. gnready qna da kaugalngn q. gve'up ln q gru anai xbg, d qpa kya mgbuya. pu thank you gd. ikw ln nhulat q ki d q kya.

geh ln. kayahon q na ah. geh2. bxta aftr xa cna na adlaw ah. bxi bla my migu kna. aww.

dba ngpustahnai ta 1M? htg qn cmu ang kychn nga moon aftr 2yrs.

waah! htag q na cmu kun mka xkai q barko. or mka grad q doctor. htag mu nln xqn ang xtar kg imu nln ang moon. pwd nxa?

uu, htg q aftr 2yrs.

tenkyu. xpakon mu paq?

d na cgru rhaz xg una, d q pa kya.

likaw ln q dny cmu eh.

thank you gd.

geh ah. pra mna cmu kg x2n.

gni. bsa na jckt m.

waah. halungan mu na jcket q ha kg id q. dpat aftr 2yrx gna tago mu pna.

2pad qna tnan 2lug. ari ln na d.

tenkyu. du mhbi q.

d na mg'ntra, aq ln phbi'a.

lumaw2 na gni. baw.

ge ln, mu pmn ln na.

mau ln la nla nkta. hai. la kpa 2yo. la naq cp gli. gn kuha na ni mama. dungol q kunu mu.

la pdi tpos hbi hu. gpngq2 pq d sala.

---

2010-12-28T00:54:00.004+08:00

Yesterday will be the last day na iiyakan ko siya. I will not allow any guy to hurt me from now on.

THIS caught me off guard.

2010-12-27T19:53:00.012+08:00

I don't know to explain things here. Its just that everything went out of control and I ended up being hurt. :(

Kurt's been taking her side just because they're together and not because she is right which is unfair.

MAYE
ME

Gud ev. Kw c keith? Xnxa hah. Gn pngau q no. mu ky kurt wid out ur permixon. miga ya ni ah. my pmangkot lg q tne.

Uu aq n, pu ms prefr q twgn Keille. Cnuh na miga ia? Anuh tne au?

Maye ah. Gus2 q lg prankahun mu q kng nu prob mu sqn. Nd q man tne gus2 mgbuya lain nga s2rya. La q gpng awai ah. Gabato lg q.

Gna anuh tka au? Wla tmn k gna anuh. Bsi ikw ln na pmnsar.

Ah 2od? So,be sensitive lg ah. Bac d mu mapyaran nga my mga tawu kna nga gka apakan. Mu lg na ah. Tnx sa tym. Hope we can b frnds.

Gna anuh tka au? o.O

Haha. Wow. Deny? Bsta ah. D qna kinanlan isaysay. I know u know.

Pmngq2n tka bla kn kblu q. Wai kna gni gna patulan sa wallpost.

Ngaa my anu sa wallpost awh? Kg pki hambal sa miga mu nga kgwapa cia pra manuya hah. Kblu ka ngaa gn accept tka? Ky abi q gus2 mu mkipagfrnd just wat i lyk nga mtabo.

Ato bla ang redundant2 m blw. Amu mln to gle prblema m? Ang ngcommnt sa wallpost m? T aus aa, ahaw sa amu mln na ibig deal mgd.

Uwah. Atleast gn pranka tka. Kaysa nanugd2 q ky kurt. Dba.!? Keille,bsan d mu pag aminon,balu q na init ka sa aqn ah. Frst q plg kta cmu. Pru d qna na pag i.mind tne ky d tman ka klala gd from head to toe. bal.an q lg ex ka ni kurt.

Yes nln aa, haha! Bdlai na mglalis lain nmn na krn pra cmu.

D man ah. BIg deal ky d q mu na mag aproach sa tawu.D q lg gus2 plastikanai ah.

D qmn na gsto. T aus kna? Dlete nln numbr q daun. Sa dsn lxnxa kmu ki mu gd na pnka initan q sa tnan. Bastusan qna b, jsyn.

See,amu plg na gne big deal na cmu. Anu pgd b pag ikw na ang gna bira kg gna bas2s patalikod? Hai. But den sori ah. Kg nagcommnt q 2 cmu wall. Balu q d mu 2 magus2han,sori in advance. Sori man sa tnan nga d mau q nga gnhambl cmu. Bhla kna kng anuh pa ihambl mu sqn ah. Bsta ky na klaro qn anga wla naq hasul cmu. D tka pgpili2n nga mkipgfrnd sqn. Salamat.:) meri xmas and hapi new yr. nlg.

Wai mn tawu mlipai nga gna kwa / gn htg2 ang numbr nla na wla cla kblu. I guess you should know tht. Ra nna cmu kn ndala kto sa mga commnt2 xg miga q aa. Lhog hmbl sa migu m dlete ia nln numbr q kysa ipnghtg ia la lxnxa. Ge.

Kag cn.o nd mdala? Cn.o malipai nga gna bira ka sg tawu na nd mu klala 4 da frst place? Suz. Dw gna pangispiyuhan mu lg q sg gna hmbl mu bah. Gn pilit q c kurt ah,d xa mnghatag tne.

Sha pgd n ngchat xqn oh? Join forces kmu ba. Ng intra mln to sha ki gn unahan mn commnt2 xg mga miga m aa.

Miga q? Hai. Cease fire q ah. Ngsori naq cmu ya.

Ayy anuh n? Gna bira pgd q n Kurt d.. baskugg mn ba. La nia ia knuh gnhtg numbr q oh. Pde qd kpa mrsa? Gpmyung qd gle aa.

Haixt. Ky wla man gd xa planu ihatag kng wla q xa gn pilit. Dba gus2 mu war? Amu nani gru. Nbasa q lg sa wall ni kurt ah. Joke lg 2 gru pru posible ah.

Isa ln bla kstoria.. ki ptalangai kmu ia. D mn q gru mgreact kn la mq gn suguran d tx ki pra xqn nglipas nto ia mu. La qna to gni gna sbat nga commnt2. Ra nna cmu intrpretasyn ia aa. Cge, war ln da. Halung.

Oh? NAGLIPAS?! So anu pa ang pont pra manuya kmu sa tawu nga wala naman nagapasilabot cnyu KUNG WLA MU GIN UNAHAN.!? 3p lg? Gn lamon q pride q,but ur so hard. ACCEPTANCE mln na tani mu. cge ah,halung2 man. mau ky kw nagtapus sa kng anu gn suguran mu.piyuon mu lg nga la naq my mbal.an nga gnaga nga statement halin cmu. kahuluya. pasalamat ka gataha q sa mga MANANG sqn kg EDUKADA. la mu q 2ud gn pa2lan personali,gn paagi mu lg sa ibn. Sa lwat,klalahun mu dnai ang tawu antis ka mgjudge.

Ngsbat pq to au? Gtawa ln qto gni, la nq gaamut.. kg gn untatan qna to. Ikw ia bla gpa daku pgd. Uwa.

Deny lg nga deny ah. Evident jpun. Gudnyt.

Pgsto kda aa.. deny kn cmu ee. Mi mhmu q kn mu na pnsarun m. Gna plawig mln tuod ang storia. B q ngcease fire kna.

Tani eh. Anhun muna ky my limit pasenxa q. Kag willing kman ba2nun ang apology q aw? Dw nd man. Nd matapos ang isa ka awai pag isa lg ang nag cease.

Cge ah. Gn klaru q cmu. Dz must b over. Ngsori nman q bsan la q balu kn anu sala q. Enaf na na tni nga rason pra MAGLIPAS na totali ang angst mu sqn. nayt2.

Happy Christmas

2010-12-25T14:35:00.005+08:00

Being in this season would usually make us remember gifts and other material possesions we wish to own but in reality being with the ones we love is more important that other things. They say we should give love on Christmas day, and I definitely agree to that.

Celebrating the 9 Aguinaldo Masses with my churchmates is what I am looking forward each year. I consider them as my family that can understand me and will stand by me through ups and downs. I didn't mind losing the time to sleep just to be with them. After mass, we would usually stay at church and eat breakfast together. Then we would practice on our presentation which we usually enjoy. Indeeed we are having fun. :)

Last night was simply amazing. We presented. We had fun. I had fun with them and my family. We had fun with God. I am very thankful for having friends like them. Of course I have my other friends at school and at home but these guys are bunch of kids I would never replaced with anything.. even the most precious material in the world.

I really don't care about being labelled as SMP. I have my family and friends who keeps my christmas in full heat.. and I am indeed very thankful and very grateful.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! ENJOY THE SEASON AND CELEBRATE JESUS' BIRTH. SPREAD THA LOVE Y'ALL ~

KPA ;)

2010-12-23T23:22:00.004+08:00

Malapit na Christmas but I am not excited as usual. Things would be plainly the same as other days would be.

But if I would have one wish this season, it would be forgetting him. Enough of the stupid thoughts of coming back and him loving me still. It would be one great deal if I could sweep away all my memories of him. I know for sure it would not be that easy, things like this was never easy.

Wala ko na gina pangayu nga magbalik ka sa akon. Okayy na, baton ko na nga palangga mo sha although palangga ta pa ka asta sbg kag sakit man na japun batyagun.. pero kabalu ko wala na ko may mahimu amu na pby'an ta na lang ka. Ikaw, ikaw ang tawu nga abi ko asta na sa ulihi nga maupod ko pangabuhi.. ang tawu nga nagpapati sa akon nga tuod ang true love.. ang tawu nga nagpabatyag sa kon xg imba nga feeling. Ikaw, ikaw ang tawu nga dapat ko na limtan sbg kay tanan tapos na sa aton. Huo, malimtan ta ka. Bisan indi sbg insigida, pero may adlaw gd na nga makatulok na ko sa imo mata nga nd ko magduko kay gka subuan ko. Makasapak na ko sa imu nga indi ko mapilitan para itago ang nabatyag ko. Malimtan ta lang ka, okayy na ko. Indi mo na kilanglan magbalik. :) makapahuwai heart kag utok ko, goods na.